What Can You Do?
by scribblinfool
Summary: When Ruthie shows up at Simon's apartment, he expects the worst, and the worst is what he gets.
1. Chapter 1

_***just a small portion to see how it does... review:)***_

There was a knock at the door. Simon stood up and walked slowly to the door. Opening it, his breath caught in his throat. "Ruthie?" He managed.

Ruthie was standing on his doorstep, a backpack and suitcase in hand. "Hey Simon, mind if I come in?"

"Do I mind?" Simon laughed, taking her suitcase and giving her a one-armed hug.

Ruthie took in Simon's apartment. The small kitchen was plain but welcoming; the brown wood café table sat covered in books. The counters were clean and dishes were stacked neatly in the sink. The yellow walls reflected the pale evening light filtering in through the shuttered windows. Ruthie walked over to the living area: two couches sat around a coffee table covered in more books.

"So it's safe to say you have a lot of school work?"

Simon smiled, "What are you doing here? Is everything okay at home? How's it been?"

With Simon leading her to the couch in his living area, Ruthie laughed at his bombardment of questions, "Is it so wrong that I wanted to see my big brother?" Ruthie smiled, "Everything's fine at home. Dad's still home-schooling the boys and, you know, I think they're going well. The house has been pretty quiet otherwise… Shocking isn't it?" She gave an empty laugh.

Simon noticed how quickly the smile faded from her face, "Ruthie." She looked up. "What's wrong- why are you really here?"

Ruthie looked back down at her hands, focusing on an invisible spot on her thumb. "Um," her voice broke, "I'm pregnant."

She looked up after a moment of silence, "Simon?"

He stood up, running a hand through his hair he paced around the kitchen and came back to sit on the couch. "What? Are you serious? How did this happen?" His voice started to get louder.

Ruthie stood up too, "Simon I do not need this right now. I can leave!"Her voice shook with anger, shame, and desperation. She couldn't believe that she'd let her family down. She was disappointed in herself- she couldn't imagine how disappointed they were in her.

Simon took her by the shoulders, "You're right I'm sorry. Just sit down." They both resumed their places on the couch. "Are you sure?" His voice sounded pained.

A tear ran down her face. Reaching into her backpack she pulled out the positive pregnancy test and handed it to Simon. He took it and stared at it for a long time. Ruthie stood up, went into the kitchen and got glass of water. She felt thirsty all of a sudden- probably from all the crying. She took a shuddering breath and took a sip. Filling up another glass she took it over to Simon and put it into his hand. He downed the water and set both the glass and the pregnancy test on the coffee table. Simon stood up and gathered Ruthie into a hug. Kissing the top of her head he whispered, "Don't worry, Ruthie. You'll get through it. I'll help you. You'll always have me. 'Kay? I love you, Ruthie."

A sob escaped her and she just clung to Simon. "I'm sorry."

"Shh. It's okay Ruthie. I mean, it's not okay… But it'll be okay." Letting go of Ruthie, he wiped her cheek with his thumb. "Can we talk about it?"

She nodded.

"Do you want something to eat? We can wait for take-out while we talk."

"No, I'm fine. Haven't been hungry lately."

"I'll just have cereal then." He filled up a bowl and came to sit down on the couch again. "How long have you known?"

"I've known for a week. It's been three months total."

"And how's it been?"

"Funny thing is, you tend to lose weight at first." She mumbled with a hollow, short laugh.

"Sorry it's been hard on you."

She shrugged, pulling at a loose thread from her sweater. "What can you do." She said more as a statement rather than a question.

After a moment of silence, Simon asked quietly, "Who else have you told?"

She shook her head.

He paused again then looked up, "Why'd you come here then? Why'd you tell me first?"

"Because. Because you understand what it's like to make mistakes. To experience the aftermath of a split second that ruined your life."

Simon uncrossed his legs, "Ruthie, this is not going to ruin your life. It'll make it harder sure, but it won't ruin it."

"Whatever, but I thought that you would be the person wouldn't judge me as harshly. You know? People who understand how life can deal you such misfortunes are less judgemental; they understand the complexities of people and the reality that mistakes are just that: mistakes." She sniffed and they sat in silence for a long time.

Finally, Simon sighed and leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees.

"Who's the father?"

She shook her head again as more tears ran down her face.

"Fine you can tell me later." He checked his watch, "It's close to 8:00. You must be tired- you can take a shower and then just hang out in your room."

Ruthie sighed and stood up, wiping her cheeks with the backs of her hands. "Thanks Simon, that'd be great."

Later that night, Ruthie was lying in bed showered and recovered from their earlier conversation. She folded the blankets down to her waist and ran her hands across her still flat abdomen. She couldn't believe that she had gotten herself into this. And she still hadn't even told her parents yet! Before it used to be, _Well at least it's not like Mary!_ Now it would be about Ruthie. Feeling a lump in her throat, she pulled the blankets up to her chin and closed her eyes. A tear eased from the corner of her eye and caught in her curls. "Good night, Ruthie! Love you." Simon called from the hallway and turned out the apartment's lights. "Love you too, Simon." She turned her back to the door and quickly fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**** THE NARRATIVE CHANGED TO FIRST PERSON ****

The next morning, I woke up in the guest room, momentarily confused about my whereabouts. Suddenly, my stomach rolled and I jumped out of bed, running to the bathroom and slamming the door behind me, I fell to my knees in front of the toilet. I felt that regular sense of panic as my stomach lurched. Seconds later, I rocked back onto my heels and wiped my mouth and nose with a wet washcloth. I flushed the toilet and brushed my teeth, replacing the acid taste with fresh mint. I turned on the shower and stepped in. The warm water soothed me and I could feel the tension seeping out of my shoulders, face and neck. Minutes later I turned off the shower, wrapped a towel around me, and stepped in front of the mirror. Wiping the steam of the mirror with my fist, I began to try to calm my cloud of curls. I sighed, realizing for only the millionth time that it's hopeless. I walked out of the bathroom, holding my towel up with one hand and attempting to comb through my hair.

"Morning," Simon was sitting at the kitchen table with newspaper in hand.

"Morning," I winced as I tried to extract my fingers from my curls.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm going to go get dressed. I'll come out in a second."

Closing the door behind me, I unzipped my suitcase and threw on jeans and the first t-shirt I found. I was dreading the day when I couldn't fit into my own clothes anymore. How would I be able to afford new clothes? I need to get a job, I thought and made a mental note to look for one later today. I couldn't expect Simon or… No, I said to myself. I'm not going to preoccupy myself with him today. He's not here for a reason. I shook my head and walked into the kitchen.

"There are eggs on the stove, cereal in the cabinet, and bagels in the fridge." Simon said from his spot at the kitchen table.

"Thanks." I said grabbing a bagel and shoving it in the toaster.

I went and sat down next to Simon at the table. Reaching my hand over his newspaper, I wriggled my fingers to get his attention. "You know," I started as he folded his newspaper and looked at me with eyebrows raised, "We have to figure out a plan. I don't want to go home."

"What do you mean you don't want to go home?"

"I mean, I don't want to tell Mom and Dad yet. Since they're on vacation right now, I figure now's the best time."

"Best time for what?" Simon asked skeptically.

"For planning to tell them that I'm going to stay with Mary's for the summer, and instead staying here. Can I stay here? Simon?"

I knew I hit him with this too quickly, his face was a mixture of shock and confusion. "Um, yeah. Of course you can Ruthie." He said. "But, I think you need to tell Mary if you're going to go along with this plan."

"Oh." To be honest, I hadn't really thought about telling her. "Today?"

He nodded, "You know how Mom and Dad can get. They'll call her and check up on you constantly."

I just sat there. Overwhelmed again. This morning, waking up with a plan for the next three months, I thought I would have more time before I had to really figure stuff out. I groaned and put my head in my hands.

"Are you okay?" Simon put his hand on my shoulder. I can't believe he's being this nice to me. I had disappointed him so much. And now I have to tell the rest of the family.

Tears started rolling down my cheeks, "No. Well, I mean, I guess, but, really. Does this seem okay to you? It was hard telling you but you and I were always close Simon. Dad's going to have a heart attack and die! Mom isn't going to stop crying until this kid is like eighteen years old. And-"

Simon cut me off, "Ruthie! Everything's going to be okay! Dad deals with stuff like this all the time." He smiled sadly, "And Mom will get over it."

I took a shuddering breath, wiping my cheeks.

"But try to take things one step at a time. Call Mary. Just tell her."

He handed me the phone. I looked up at him and he raised his eyebrows. I sighed and took the phone from his hand.

My heart was pounding as the dial tone rang, "Don't pick up, don't pick up, don't pick up," I desperately prayed and my heart sank when I heard her voice, "Hello?"

"Hey Mary, it's me, Ruthie,"

"Hey Ruthie! How's Simon?"

"What?"

"I have caller id you know." I could hear her shush Charlie in the background.

"Oh, um, I didn't know…"

"So what did you want to talk about?"

All of a sudden, all my mental planning had gone down the drain. I drew a blank. I took a breath, "I'm pregnant." I slammed my face into my hand a couple times.

"Wow," Simon chuckled, "You really do just throw that out there don't you?"

I shot him a death stare and threw my pad of paper at him. Of course I missed.

"I'm sorry what? Charlie's making so much noise. Did you say you're pregnant?" I could hear her laugh nervously.

I didn't respond.

"Ruthie?" the tone of her voice made me want to cry. "Ruthie please answer me" She pleaded over the phone and it broke my heart. I started quietly sobbing, my face in my free hand, the other, holding the phone, resting on the counter. Simon reached across and pulled the phone out my hand.

"Hey, it's me." He said quietly. All of a sudden I felt little again. Over the past few months I felt like I was in charge of myself- I had inflicted such a huge, life-changing event on myself and had to deal with it but now, with my big brother and sister talking about me, deciding how to save me, I felt helpless. I could hear Mary half yelling and crying over the phone. Simon was just listening. I could see his eyes beginning to tear up. It was impossible for me to stop crying, for myself, for Simon, and for the rest of my family. "I know," Simon just kept repeating into the phone as he paced the floor. "It's gonna be okay Mary. Really. But we need your help." He paused and so did the hysterical crying on the other end of the phone. "Ruthie wants to stay with me for the rest of the summer. Until she tells the rest of them… Why? Because she wants time to figure stuff out; the two of us should know that better than all the Camdens combined. You know how Mom and Dad can be… We were asking you to go along with our plan: that Ruthie was going to stay in Chicago with you and Carlos to visit the girls and Charlie… She's three months now… Okay, thanks Mary… Sure… Talk to you later." Simon hung up the phone and replaced it in the charging dock.

I got up and walked over to him. He sighed and pulled me close to him, wrapping his arms around me in a hug. My heart felt like it was going to rip apart, I was so ashamed of myself. I can't believe that Simon, Mary and Carlos have to lie for me. Simon kissed my forehead as I pulled away and wiped the tears from my cheeks with his thumbs. "Thanks Simon," I whispered. I felt overwhelmingly grateful to have a brother like Simon to look out for me.

"Anytime," Simon whispered.


	3. Chapter 3

A knock on my door the next morning brought me out of a fitful sleep. All night I kept thinking of how I was going to break the news to my parents. They would be so disappointed, Lucy would be angry, and Matt would be devastated. The twins are probably used to weird stuff like this happening to our family.

"Ruthie! Are you up?" It was already noon.

"Yes," I mumbled, pulling myself to a sitting position. I had my first doctor's appointment today that I had made last night. Simon was driving me. After putting on jeans and a plain black t-shirt, I went into the bathroom with my brush, trying to at least make my hair presentable. Brushing my teeth and finishing my make-up, I come unto the kitchen to find Simon putting away his breakfast dishes.

"I made eggs if you want any."

I made a disgusted face and shook my head, "Not hungry," I mumbled.

He put the plates away in the dishwasher and sat back down with his cup of coffee. I poured myself a cup and sat down across from him, flipping through the newspaper.

"No way- give me that." Simon reached over and pulled my mug out of my hand.

"Hey! Come on!" I reached across the table just as Simon stood up and poured it down the sink.

"Well now you're just wasting good coffee, Simon!"

"You're not allowed to drink coffee Ruthie." He smirked.

I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Mature."

"Thanks."

He checked his watch and dumped his cup out into the sink, "We have to go Ruthie. Come on."

"Okay okay calm down- I'm not a child."

"Yeah but you're having one and you're about to miss your appointment!"

I chose to ignore him.

We throw our shoes on and run down the steps to his car.

Finally we pulled into the hospital parking lot and quickly walk across the crowded tarmac ad onto the elevators. As the doors open to the fifth floor, my pulse quickens.

I could feel my heart pounding as I walked into the crowded waiting room. I stopped in the doorway and Simon put a hand on my back to gently push me forward towards the front desk. I watched as he sat down in a chair, then I turned back towards the desk. I was certain I could feel eyes boring into my back.

"You're name honey?"

The receptionist's voice pulled me out of my paranoia and I stammered, "Um, Ruthie Camden for Dr. Adams."

The woman found my name on a list, looked up at me, and smiled, "He'll be right with you, if you wouldn't mind taking a seat until we call you?"

I smiled, "Thank you."

I go back and sit next to Simon in a chair.

"What time is it?" I asked him and he looked at his watch.

"12:55"

Only a five-minute wait. I wanted more time. I sit twiddling my thumbs, heart pounding out of my chest. I'm sure everyone can hear it. I look around but no one seems to notice.

"Simon," I whisper. I don't know why I'm whispering. The room is really quiet. A woman looks up at me and I can imagine her judging my age. I look away quickly, face reddening.

He turns to me.

"Can you hear my heart?"

He laughs, "No. Why? Are you nervous?"

My eyes widen, "Wouldn't you be?"

"It'll be fine Ruthie. What are you so worried about anyway?"

I think. I don't know. I turn back to stare at the hallway of patient rooms, silent. Simon goes back to staring at the clock.

Finally, a man walks to the doorway leading from the waiting room to the hallway of rooms. "Ruthie Camden?"

I internally wince as the rest of the women look around, waiting to see who stands up.

"Good luck." Simon whispered.

I stand up and follow Dr. Adams to the first room on the left.

"Hi Ruthie! How are you? I'm Dr. Adams. Nice to meet you!" He shook my hand. He was very enthusiastic.

"Fine thanks, nice to meet you too."

"If you could just take a seat on the chair, I'm going to ask you some questions."

I sit in the chair in the middle of the room. I think it's a dentist's chair.

"So, Ruthie," He swivels on his stool, clipboard in hand and smiles, "I just want to make sure that we have all of your information correct." He hands me a sheet with my medical information and, looking it over, I nod.

"Great." He puts the sheet back into my file and clicks his pen.

"So now I'm just going to have you lie back and we'll check out what happening in there. Sounds good?" She smiled as she set up her computer equipment.

I nod as I lie down flat on the little bed. I pulled back my shirt, feeling exposed. I felt exposed not only physically, but stripped emotionally. I had no protection here. There was no more ignoring what was really happening here. I try to regulate my breathing, both to prevent myself from passing out and from crying, perhaps at the same time.

Dr. Adams turned back around and squirted blue gel onto my abdomen. I couldn't feel the cold though. I was too focused on the screen to my right. Watching as the picture navigated inside of me, the doctor finally came to rest on a single spot on my stomach.

"There's the head, Ruthie." He swiveled his controller again, "and here is a side profile of your baby!"

I just stared at it. That was my baby. My child.

"So judging by the information you gave me and the relative size of the fetus, I'd say that you are about 13 weeks pregnant."

I nodded, eyes still glued to the screen. I already knew all this.

He continued to explain what I was seeing on the monitor but I could barely follow. I was transfixed by the image on the little screen. With it's tiny little nose, the profile that outlines its little legs, face, and belly. There are no words to describe the terrifying, amazing feeling that overcomes me.

"Now I can tell you the gender now, but the gender is more easily determined between 18 and 22 weeks gestation. Would you like to know the gender?"

My heart skipped a beat. I looked at over at his face, pen poised above his clipboard.

I nodded.


	4. Chapter 4

I walked out into the waiting room and saw Simon stand up to meet me out of the corner of my eye. My heart pounding, I walked straight past him and out the door, breaking into a run as I stepped into the stairwell.

"Ruthie?" I could hear Simon calling after me as I took the stairs two at a time. My throat felt tight and the walls were closing in on me. I can't stay in this building anymore. It's sunny outside; driving in, it seemed optimistic but now, running from everything that I had just been told in the medical building, the sun feels like it's burning holes in my back. Tears are starting to spill over as I looked behind me and saw Simon waiting at a stopped crosswalk. Whipping my head back around, I turn a corner and duck into a coffee shop. It's a pleasant change once inside. The air conditioning and low lighting soothes my nerves and I reach up to wipe my face before I draw attention to myself.

I walk to the back of the room and pull out a chair at a corner table. Sitting down, I look around the room. No one seems to be paying me any extra attention and I immediately relax. I go up to the counter to order a fruit smoothie just as I see Simon wander past the shop and my heart skips a beat.

I sit back down at my corner table with my smoothie and pull some of the pamphlets the doctor gave me out of my bag. Looking through the pictures, all I see are mothers with happy faces and happy partners. Two things I find myself without. My phone vibrates and I jump. I reach into my pocket and pull out the phone to reveal Simon's face on caller id and I send the call the voicemail, putting the phone on silent. He would call four more times in ten minutes before I call a cab and go home.

When I pull up to the apartment, I notice that Simon's car isn't there but I let myself in. Tossing my keys on the kitchen table, I once again pull the pamphlets out of my bag. The papers offered advice but it didn't make me feel any better. This was all information that helped parents who were prepared to have a baby. Prepared to make the commitment to giving the best possible care to their child. My baby didn't even technically have a father or grandparents who knew about it yet. I pulled out my computer and started researching teenage parenting statistics.

The facts and reports of failed children of teenage parents jump off the page. My eyes swim in tears as the reality of the situation sinks in. I have not only damaged my future opportunities as a student, professional, and successful partner and parent, bothered my brother and sister, but my child is already doomed. From the very start. According to the rest of the world, my son will never be as happy and successful as children of married, legal mothers.

My little marathon of self-pity ends as I hear a key turn in the front door. Simon walks into the room, fuming, "Ruthie! I cannot believe you. What the hell is the matter with you? I walked all over the damn city looking for you only to find you here? What's wrong?"

I jump up, half deaf to his lecture, "Did you know that children of teenage mothers are 50% more likely to repeat a grade? And those kids are ten times more likely to live in poverty. And become teen parents themselves. My son is already doomed! I've screwed him over already! I can't believe this is happening; why am I so stupid." The tears run down my face as I collapse back in my chair.

Simon, stopped dead in his tracks, walks over to the kitchen table and pulls out the chair opposite me. "A son?"

I don't answer. He sighs before he reaches across the table and picks up the stack of pamphlets scattered around me. "Where'd you get these?"

"The doctor gave them to me."

He flips through them, "They don't say anything you just said to me."

"Internet."

"Ruthie. You can't fill your head with all these horrible things that are just going to add to your stress. Sure those are the statistics but they aren't true for everyone. Every year there are completely irresponsible numskulls who find themselves in your situation and they hardly know what to do with themselves. But you aren't a completely irresponsible numskull."

"Then how exactly did I get myself here Simon?"

"Well I don't know because you haven't told me. But I can tell you this: you have always been mature, always wanted to do the right thing, and always thought of others before yourself. You think those other teen parents are worrying about their children? No. That's why they're statistics. You are different Ruthie."

I could feel my tears starting to ebb away as Simon reached across and flipped my laptop closed.

"No more of that. Just focus on yourself and doing what's right for you, alright?"

I nodded as I wiped my face.

"Plus, what sets you apart from everyone else is that you have a stunningly handsome genius for a brother who would do anything for you."

I laughed and Simon finally smiled as he walked around to my chair and pulled me up into a hug.

I felt the last bit of tension seep away as I buried my face in his shoulder.

"So a boy? That's great; are you happy?"

"Well," I said into his t-shirt, "Sons of teen mothers are three times more likely to be incarcerated that other boys."

"Ruthie," Simon cautioned as he put his hands on my shoulders and held me at arms length.

I smiled, "Yeah, I'm happy." I said quietly.

He smiled and went to the fridge to pull out the orange juice and two cups. Filling one and handing it to me, he says, "So what else did the doctor say? Is everything fine?"

"Yeah. He said that it all worked out okay. I can't help feeling that something will go wrong though? Maybe I'm just crazy. Maybe it's just the omniscient misfortune surrounding the whole pregnancy but I can't shake it."

"I'm sure you're still just shaken up by everything. It will be fine. I promise, Ruthie. You'll see."

"But you don't know that. Anything could happen. Seeing the baby on the monitor… I'm not sure what I wanted. I was happy. I was scared-"

"Of course you were Ruthie! Any woman would be. Any guy would be. Having a baby is scary but also great." He rubbed my arms.

"But I didn't know if I wanted it or not. That's not how a mother is supposed to feel about her child."

"Well that could still change. It will change. We're just still getting used to the idea. And we're still trying to figure out how to overcome the challenges. But Mary and I are helping you. We only want the best for you."

I nodded. I took a deep breath and absentmindedly smoothed down my hair., "So what's for dinner." And just like that, I accepted the fact that while it may not be easy, my boy was going to be happy. He had a mother who loved him to no end and who would spend the rest of her days making sure that he had every opportunity to be the greatest he could be. But first I needed to make sure that he had a family. Even if that meant disappointing some people along the way.

After dinner, I crawled into my bed, exhausted. Simon had put the sonogram picture up on the fridge and I threw out my teen pregnancy statistics. It felt like everything was going to be alright, or at least manageable. I fell asleep quickly, hand resting on my abdomen.


End file.
